I Don't Owe You a Thing
I read an article this afternoon titled "15 things you don't owe anyone at all though you think you do." I couldn't have written it any better. All 15 resonated with me in some way, and although many may be common sense, there is a great weight behind each simple truth.
2. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life priorities.
5. You don't owe anyone your agreement on their personal beliefs.
9. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your sex life.
I wrote a blog post back in March about the mistakes we make in dating and how, when applicable, we have to accept the blame. Sometimes, a friendship doesn't last or a relationship doesn't work because of who we are, and that's okay. In staying consistent with the theme of "not owing" anyone this or that... I am reminded that I, Lori Crabtree, do not owe anyone an explanation or an apology for what I need to be happy.
Over the duration of the past year or so of my life, I've finally (at the age of 27) learned a lot about what I am looking for in friendships, relationships, roommates and even a career. What I need to be satisfied, what I need to feel loved, what I need to feel utilized, what I need to feel SANE -- all of these things make me who I am and I don't need to explain that to anyone.
When I'm dating someone, I like them to tell me goodnight every night. It's a simple thing, but it's something I like. In friendships, (while I do enjoy spontaneity) I like for my friends to be able to commit to plans. I don't want to spend every weekend with an "I'll let you know" lingering overhead. In my career, I need a boss who acknowledges a job well done and gives positive feedback when warranted. If the only feedback I get is negative or requests only, I'm not going to be happy.
We have to be careful to not sacrifice our own happiness in an effort to please others. Give and take is important and sometimes sacrifice is necessary, but not when we are hiding our true selves in an effort to not look "crazy." Where is the good in that? Worrying what someone thinks about your "needs" will only leave you unhappy, unfulfilled, and only a half version of your best self.
Don't be afraid to say what you want... but also ask others the same in return. I had a friend once tell me she doesn't like me on my phone when we hang out. I value our friendship, so I limit my iPhone use. Success goes hand in hand with communication and happiness comes with being yourself.
You don't owe anyone an explanation or apology for that.