cheese please

So if this is the place for my thought of the day, today my thoughts are sort of sad. If you are looking for my usual fun, thoughtful or amusing post, check my archive or stay tuned for one on a future date... but today here is another side of me, just another part of the real Lori.  If you know me, it's no secret that I am an open person.  I'll share my life story with you after knowing you for only ten minutes.  I like people; I like forming relationships with them.  It's just who I am.  Everyone has hard times but not everyone is willing to be vulnerable about it.  Yes, vulnerability is a huge risk, but the relationships I form when I am vulnerable are the ones that get me through.
So it's no surprise that I'm willing to share my frustrations with whoever cares to read this today.  I'm using my writing as an outlet for my feelings.  My poor friends.  I just pour my heart into everything and let all of my situations permeate every facet of my life.  So to save their willing (but probably tired ears) for a bit, here's to you, online world.  Thanks for letting me vent.
It's funny how God works.  At church right now we are talking about prayer and over the past couple of weeks I have amped up my prayer life the way I should and really took some things to God hoping he would give me what I was asking for.  Oh and he did, alright.  He gave me exactly what I asked for but not what I truly wanted.  Let me explain in simpler terms.  Say I was craving a cheeseburger and I asked God every day to send me a cheeseburger.  "Please send me a cheeseburger."  "Please send someone who will give me a cheeseburger."  "Please make sure my cheeseburger has cheddar cheese and lettuce, but hold the tomato."  "Oh, can't my cheeseburger come soon?"
and he sends me this:
Thanks for my cheeseburger...!?
If I wanted to put a positive spin on it (and tomorrow, I probably will)... maybe at that time of my life someone came in my apartment and stole my pillows, and a plush cheeseburger was really what I needed.  If I wanted to put a realistic analogy to it... maybe I was more willing to sleep without a pillow than I was to go without my cheeseburger.  HAHA... I sound ridiculous.
What I'm trying to say is it's always hard to see why God closes doors when you've tried so hard to run through them before it was too late.  I get so frustrated over why some doors are open in the first place!  WHY open one at all just to slam it later?  Being a Christian is hard; our faith is tested daily.  Maybe my prayers should be more specific but maybe my heart should be more willing to listen.  God knows best and I know this... and tomorrow I need to wake up and be joyful to see another day looking forward to the plans He has for me.  My life isn't that bad.
Sometimes, though, we just need time to pout before we move on.  It's okay to be disappointed and it's certainly okay to be sad, cause I AM.  I'm Oscar the Grouch meets "Negative Nancy" today and I'm sorry to those who have had to deal with me.  I just don't like today.  Is anyone ever truly happy when things don't go their way? I don't think so.
I know.  It will be okay.  Time to work on this heart of mine cause I realize every day I'm far from perfect....but back to the "cheesy" (couldn't resist) analogy... I think before I place my orders I should be asking the chef what He recommends from now on.  What do you think?


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