Fish, Priorities and a Really Sexy Nightgown

Though I enjoy blogging about my random adventures at the mall, my love for the State Fair or about the time I was stuck in an elevator for two hours... let's be honest here:  I love writing about my misadventures in dating.

I love to joke about my pet fish, Garfield.  He's pretty much the best guy I could ask for... he listens, is fairly clean, never says anything mean and is always there when I need him.  The guys I meet lately have me one step away from just taking Garfield out with me as my date in a true What about Bob? movie fashion.  I'm kidding, of course, but seriously guys... what are you doing?

note the fish around his neck...

Let me tell you about me.  I'm hilarious.  I'm smart.  I know the difference between your and you're, there, there and their, and to and too.  I prefer Taco Bell over Angus Barn (seriously), I don't get my nails done and I've never owned a designer purse.  Can you say low maintenance?  I actually understand football and basketball, and I'll try my hardest not to talk to you to the game because I don't want you talking to me.  Did I mention I'm hilarious?  At least I think I am... which is good enough.  I will even laugh at you when what you say isn't that funny, cause (awesome fact about me number 234) I'm supportive!  Once, I rolled out of bed at midnight (on a work night) to take French fries to a sick douchebag.  Imagine what I would do for someone who is actually nice to me...

I'm just saying.  I'm pretty awesome and I've had enough of you superficial, idiotic guys who only go halfway.  I'm not perfect but I can tell you I am secure in who I am, I know what I'm looking for and I'm going to stop giving the time of day to anyone who is looking for an unintelligent, airheaded, easy give-it-up-without-a-second-thought tramp.  You aren't worth my time.  When you're 50 years old going through your mid life crisis, working really hard to not have an office affair because you married someone for the wrong reasons, don't whine to me about it cause I'm not paying your divorce fees.  (I feel that was an effective use of a run on sentence, just go with it.)

There are so many girls out there who are the kind you want for life.  The kind of girls you can take home to mom and the ones who will buy you Kleenex and will actually come within 50 feet of your watery eyed, disgusting runny nosed self when you're sick.  The kind who would help you remember to take your pills and let you know when you need to trim your nose hairs.

Grow up a little and reevaluate your priorities.  You need someone who makes you laugh, cause when you're in a recliner all day looking at your wrinkled, gray haired choice of a spouse, you'll need a little humor.  She looks good in that short skirt now?  Great.  But we'll all end up in an outfit like this... so make sure you keep that in mind.