Lori Stories

I have the strangest life.  Okay, I don't have a mom like Honey Boo Boo's, a friend like this or a talking cat like Salem, but in my opinion, my life never fails to entertain.  I can't count the number of times I have had friends say things to me like "that would only happen to you," or "you have the craziest things happen to you."  Last night, my favorite was "Lori, I just love reading your adventures."  My coworker calls them "Lori Stories." You know, like the time I was robbed at gunpoint just a few months before my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me, I got my first speeding ticket, my dog had to have surgery, I lost my job and won tickets to the Brad Paisley concert... all in one week.
So for a little hump day fun, allow me to share the latest.  This blog will be long but I promise for those who know me, you'll find it funny.
The NC State Fair never fails to disappoint in good people watching (or food and fun).  Unfortunately last night, I was the one worth watching for those lucky enough to be a witness.
It started when I was sampling barbecue sauces.  As if sampling sauce from a communion cup wasn't weird enough, upon my second sample, I almost died.  Trust me, I know I can be dramatic - but I legitimately thought this was going to result in death or at least the first aid trailer behind the ferris wheel.  This vinegar laden sauce hit the back of my throat and I thought I was nearing the end.  My throat immediately closed up and I couldn't breathe AT ALL.  As thoughts of dying (at least in one of my favorite places) flash through my head while I desperately gasp for air, my mom hands me her water and I slowly start breathing again.  Clearly, this would only happen to me or else those guys wouldn't be stupid enough to keep sampling that sauce to anyone under the age of...dead.  Lesson learned... and if you go to a church with barbecue sauce in their communion cups, trust me, they want you to meet Jesus a little bit sooner.
Flash forward a few hours and I'm on the front row of the Scotty McCreery concert.  I am such a creep when it comes to celebrities.  I don't get excited in a teenie bopper fashion, but I get REALLY excited when I'm close to famous people.  So naturally, when Scotty makes eye contact with me and throws a signed drumstick right to me, I'm going to end up in a brawl on the floor with a 14 year old, 40 year old and whoever else tried to be a part of this cat fight.  My mom and I are both 95% convinced he was tossing it to me before I was tackled.  Lori Crabtree, meet football season - 14 year old BRAT style.  I would love to say I ended up with the stick, but all I came out with was a hurting knee and a laughing mom.  Only me.
So to end this blog in an anticlimactic fashion, I'd also like to mention that last weekend I bruised my wrist on a toilet seat.  Yes, a toilet seat.  I guarantee you don't know anyone else who has done this. That kind of excuse at a doctor's office would get any parent a child abuse charge as it sounds completely ludicrous.  Luckily for my parents I'm almost 27 and can only blame myself.
My life...gotta love it.  Stay tuned until next time.


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